1006
lifetime warranty
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."
中文：
终身保修
在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别？”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。
1007
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young child passenger turned to his mother in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
中文：
堪萨斯城出发到多伦多的航班出发15分钟后，机长通知：“女士们先生们，我们四个引擎中的一个发生故障，但不用担心，我们还有三个引擎，到达时间会推迟一个小时。”
30分钟后，机长通知：“又一个引擎发生故障，但不用担心，我们还有两个引擎，到达时间会再推迟两个小时。”
60分钟后，机长通知：“又一个引擎发生故障，但不用担心，我们还有一个引擎，到达时间会再推迟三个小时。”
一位少儿乘客转过头对他的妈妈说：“要是我们再坏一个引擎，就要在飞机上呆一整天了！”
1008
Two Attorneys
Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
中文：
两个律师
两个律师走进一个餐厅，要了两杯饮料，从包中拿出三明治开始吃起来。餐厅老板走过来警告说，“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”
两个律师对看了一眼，耸耸肩，然后交换了手中的三明治。
1009
I Love You, Too
Boyfriend: I'm not rich and don't have a yacht or convertible like Harry,but I love you, dear.
Girlfriend: I love you, too. But tell me more about Harry.
中文：
我也爱你
男朋友：虽然我不象哈里那样有豪华游艇和舒适的生活，但是我爱你，亲爱的。
女朋友：我也爱你。不过你能否告诉我有关哈里的一些情况呢？
It is humourous.
That is a good idea..........
唉,又忘了几天没更新...失败
继续,补回
1010
The Clever Dog
A little boy was practicing his violin, while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally, the father could endure the combination no more and said, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"
中文：
聪明的小狗
一个小男孩在练习小提琴，他的父亲在读报纸。随着小男孩的琴声，家里养的狗也开始高一声低一声的叫起来。最后，小男孩的父亲实在忍不下去了，说，“难道你就不能拉一些狗听不懂的曲子吗？”
1011
Can we have our teacher back？
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
中文：
能让我们的老师回去吗？
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？”
1012
A Strange Telephone Call
A Chicago family was having dinner when the phone rung. The maid answered and said, "It sure is!" and hung up. The same thing happened five minutes later.
" What's going on?" asked the father.
"Some crackpot, " explained the maid, "keeps calling to say, "It's long distance from New York."
中文：
奇怪的电话
芝加哥的一家人正在吃晚饭时，电话响了。女仆去接电话并说道，“当然是。”就挂掉了。 五分钟后同样的事情发生了。
“怎么回事？”父亲问道。
“一个疯子，”女仆解释说，“他总是坚持说‘从纽约到这非常远（这是纽约的长途）’。”
1013
Who's 50 Cents
Jacky: I found 50 cents on the sidewalk in front of school.
Tommy: I think it's mine. I dropped 50 cents there today andcouldn't find it.
Jacky: But what I found was two quarters.
Tommy: Then I'm sure it's mine. It probably broke when it hit the sidewalk.
中文：
谁的50分（钱）？
杰克：我在学校门前的人行道上拣了50分。
汤米：我想那是我的，今天我在那儿掉了50分，找不到了。
杰克：但是我拣的是两个两毛五的呀。
汤米：那就更是我的了。因为钱在掉到地上的时候可能摔两半了。
