0926
"May I borrow your record player tonight ?" a man asked his neighbour .
"Sure . Do you want to listen to some music?"
"No ." he answered ." Tonight I want to have some peace and quiet."
中文：
我想安安静静地休息一下
“今晚我可以借用以下你的唱机吗？”一个人对他的邻居说道。
“当然可以，你也想听听音乐吗？”
“不，”他回答道，“今晚我想安安静静地休息一下。”
不好意思，国庆放假，忘记更新，今天全部更新：
0927
you have to roll up the windows first
A woman got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, a lady－one of the woman's friends came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh you have to roll up the windows first!"
中文：
你必须先把车窗摇上去
修理工决定幽她一默。他告诉她,她只需把车开回家,然后从排气管里往车里吹气,直到凹陷处自己鼓起来。
这位女士如法操作了15分钟。这时,她的一位女性朋友来拜访她,并问她在做什么。
“我正在试着让那个坑鼓起来,但这个办法似乎并不管用。”
“嗯……你必须先把车窗摇上去！”
0928
I have no cavities
A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It’s impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!
Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!
中文：
我一颗蛀牙都没有
小男孩儿看完牙医，面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。”
妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完，而且从来不刷牙！”
这时，男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。
0929
A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework."
中文：
只要没有家庭作业就可以
学校即将开始性教育课程，每个学生都要先回去证得父母的同意，方能学习此课程。一个小男孩把他父母的同意纸条交给老师说：“我妈妈说了，只要这个课没有家庭作业，我就可以上。”
0930
Great Event
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Tom: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Tom: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
中文：
重大事件
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
汤姆：亚伯拉罕·林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
汤姆：亚伯拉罕·林肯过他的三周岁生日。
1001
You Are Too Late
On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. My wife did it before you."
中文：
你太晚了You Are Too Late
在公共汽车上一人发现一个小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里。
“对不起，”他对小偷说，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”
1002
It is I who made my husband a millionaire
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
中文：
我把丈夫变成了百万富翁
“我把丈夫变成了一个百万富翁。”一个女人告诉她的朋友。
“那他结婚前是什么样的呢？”朋友问。
“那时他是个千万富翁。”
1003
An Essential Correction
Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
Walter: What was it?
Teacher: Eggs.
Walter: Wrong. That was yesterday.
中文：
实质性的纠正
老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。
沃尔特：我吃了什么？
老 师：鸡蛋。
沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。
1004
True Or False?
One day a young businessman asked his girl friend, "Dear, will you marry me if I am bankrupt?"
"Of course, I will." the girl said firmly.
"Do you mean what you say?" the man asked.
"That's what I want to ask you." the girl said.
中文：
真的还是假的
一天一个年轻的商人问他女朋友：“亲爱的，如果我破产了你还会嫁给我吗？”
“当然会。”女孩坚定的回答。
“你是说真的吗？”他问道。
“这正是我想问你的问题。”女孩说。
1005
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
中文：
谁愚蠢
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
