0818今天刘翔因伤退出奥运，默哀一分钟。。。。
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The Absent-minded Professor
An absent-minded professor was lecturing on anatomy.
"To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to examine it very carefully."
The professor unwrapped the parcel and saw that it contained two sandwiches and a hard-bioled egg. Astonished, the professor said, "I was sure I had eaten my lunch, but where is the frog?"
中文：
一位粗心的教授正在上解剖课。
“为了让你们更清楚地理解我所讲的内容，这个包里有一只解剖了的青蛙，你们要仔细地观察。”
教授打开包，里面竟是两个三明治和一个熟鸡蛋。教授十分惊讶：“我肯定是已经吃过午饭了，可是那只青蛙哪儿去了呢？”
0819
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
中文：
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
0820
Now We Run
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
中文：
现在我们跑吧
一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子？”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”
0821
I don't even know that woman
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman siting on a bench, passionately kissing.
"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.
"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"
中文：
我又不认识那个女人
一对在公园散步的夫妇注意到坐在长凳上的那对年轻男女正在热烈地接吻。
“为什么你不能那样做呢？”妻子说。
“亲爱的，”她丈夫回答，“我又不认识那个女人！”
0822
Always Thirsty
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
中文：
总感到口渴
一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”
0823
The Mean Man's Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
中文：
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
0824
Dating for Mother
When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
中文：
约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”
0825
We Left Nothing
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
中文：
我们什么也没留下
布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西！” 她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句： “谢谢！我们什么也没留下！”
0826
No Cavities
A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It’s impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed!
Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left!
中文：
我没有蛀牙
小男孩儿看完牙医，面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。” 妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完，而且从来不刷牙！” 这时，男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。
0827
It's His Fault
Billy and Bobby were brothers, and they often had fights with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them, "I'm going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden - and be good."
"Yes, Mummy." the two boys answered, and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour, and then Billy ran into the kitchen, "Mummy, " he said, "Bobby's broken a window in Mrs. Allens' house."
"He's a bad boy," his mother said. "How did he break it?"
"I threw a stone at him," Billy answered,"and he quickly ducked.".
中文：
比利和波比是两兄弟，两人经常打架。
上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”
“是，妈妈。”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“ 波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”
“他是个坏孩子。”他妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的？”
“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他蹲下了。”
