1117
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
中文：
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道，“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
1118
The last-minute advice
A 17-year-old boy longed for the cycling competition. He had trained hard in his cycling club. The day came when he was to take part in the first real race. His parents went with him to the starting line, giving him the last-minute advice. Suddenly, the starting signal was given. His mother shouted, "Boy, be careful! Don't go to too fast!"
中文：
最后的忠告
一个17岁的男孩子一直盼望着参加自行车比赛，为此他一直在自行车俱乐部刻苦训练。第一次参加比赛的日子终于来了。他的父母和他一起来到起点，准备给他最后的忠告。突然，出发信号给了，他的妈妈喊道：“孩子，小心！别骑得太快了！”
1119
I Can't Let Him Get Away
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away .So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.
中文：
不能让他跑了
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”
“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”
1120
I Can Borrow It.
At an auction held in a small town, a 200-foot length of rope was being offered for sale. One woman turned to her husband and said, "That's just what you said you needed. Bid on it!"
"No," her husband replied. "I only need it for one day. I'll see who gets it and borrow it."
中文：
我可以借用。
在一个小镇上举行的一次拍卖中，正在出售一根200英尺长的绳子。一位 妇女转过身对丈夫说：“那正是你说过的你需要的东西。快出价吧！”
“不，”她丈夫回答，“我只需要用一天。我想看看谁把它买走，然后我 可以向他借用一下。”
1121
The Mistaken Father
The morning following the birth of our first child, my husband was mistakenly directed to the room of another new mother on the maternity floor. As he walked into the room, he bent over the nap- ping mother, whose back was turned to him, and gave her a big kiss. The woman was startled to see a stranger. But before she could say anything, my husband smiled and said, "I didn't know having a baby would change you this much!"
中文：
糊涂父亲
我们孩子出世的那天早晨，我丈夫由于受误导跑到了产科病区的另一位产妇那里。他弯下腰，给了那位正背对着他小睡的产妇一个长吻。那位产妇发现是位陌生人，惊跳起来。但她还没来得及张口，我丈夫便微笑着说：“真想不到生个孩子能使你变化如此之大！”
Some jokes are very funny, thanks a lot
Thanks
1122
Whose Son Is the Greatest
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
Notes:
(1) priest n.基督教的教士 ；牧师
(2) monsignor n.阁下（对某些天主教教士的尊称）
(3) bishop n.主教（主管一城市或一教区之教务）
(4) Your Excellency 阁下（对主教的尊称）
(5) cardinal n.（天主教的）红衣主教（有权选举教皇）
(6) Your Eminence 对红衣主教的尊称
中文：
谁的儿子最伟大
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。”
“我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’！”
1123
Is he dying?
A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face and said to his friend. " The doctor has just told me that I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life."
Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life.
"Sure," came the reply, "but the doctor gave me only ten."
中文：
快死的人
一个人眼泪汪汪的坐在酒吧里，对他朋友说：“医生刚对我说，在我的余生里必须服用这些药片。”
他的朋友心情欢快的指出很多人在一生中的每一天都得服药。
“是啊！”他回答道：“但医生只给我开了10片。”
1124
Can I get a raise in my wages?
"Mr. Black, I have just been married, therefore can I get a raise in my wages?"
"I am sorry, but I can't help you. For accidents which happen to our workers outside the factory, we are not responsible."
中文：
我能提薪吗？
“布莱克先生，我刚刚结婚了，所以我能提薪吗？”
“对不起， 我帮不了你。 对工人在工厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。”
For accidents which happen to our workers outside the factory, we are not responsible.
