1107
I cannot see it at all.
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
中文：
我根本就看不见。
晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”
1108
A useful way.
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Pa.
Father: What's that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
中文：
一个有效的方法。
爸爸：杰克，你干吗喝这么多水呀？
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。
1109
Burglar
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"
To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"
中文：
遇上大麻烦的夜贼
一个夜贼刚进入他准备洗劫的房子，他环顾四周，搜寻可偷的东西。突然，他听到了一个细小的声音：“我能看见你，上帝也能看见你。”
非常吃惊地，夜贼环视了一下房间。什么也没有，他继续他的行窃活动。
“我能看见你，上帝也能看见你。”
夜贼又被吓了一跳，他又环视了一下房间。最终，他发现在窗户附近的角落里，有个几乎被窗帘遮盖住的笼子，里面有只鹦鹉。它又一次说到：“我看见你了，上帝也能看见你。”
“那又怎样，”夜贼说到，“你只是只鹦鹉而已。”
鹦鹉回答说：“也许，但是，上帝是一只猎犬。”
1110
God and Grandma
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers
when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
中文：
上帝和祖母。
两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。在睡觉时间时，这两个小 男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着。“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……” 他的哥哥用肘轻轻地碰了弟弟一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。” 弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀！”
1111
The Absent-minded Professor
The absent-minded professor shouted: "Kate, come to the blackboard!"
Another student says, "Kate is absent, Professor."
"Silent! Let Kate speak for herself."
中文：
心不在焉的教授
粗心的教授大声地喊道：“凯特，到黑板前面来！”
另外一个学生说：“教授，凯特没来。”
“别说话，让凯特自己讲。”
1112
Birthday Present.
"Ma, what present will you want for your birthday?" Three children asked their mother.
"I only wish to have three obedient boys, my sons." answered the mother.
"Oh!" cried the eldest child. "Then we will have six brothers, won't we?"
中文：
生日礼物。
“妈，您生日时想要什么生日礼物呀？”三个孩子问他们的母亲。
“我只想要三个听话的孩子。” 母亲回答。
“啊，”老大叫了起来，“那我们不就有六个兄弟了吗？”
处于找工作的状态中，忘记及时更新了，今天全补上：
1113
Only cash and credit cards.
When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
" Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
中文：
只算现金和信用卡
一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
“小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
“不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”
1114
Travelling around the World
"I've just travelled the world." Jack said to Tom.
"Did you see the Alps?" asked Tom .
"Climbed to the top."
"And did you visit the Black Sea?"
"Sure did." Jack said loudly, "And I even filled my fountain pen there."
中文：
环球旅行
“我刚刚环游过世界。”杰克对汤姆说。
“你看见阿尔卑斯山了吗？” 汤姆问。
“我都爬到山顶了。”
“那你去黑海了吗？”
“当然了”杰克大声地说道，“我还在黑海里把我的钢笔灌满了水呢。”
1115
You should pay double tuition
A young man asked Socrates to teach him the technique of lecturing.
In order to show that he was an eloquent speaker, the young man talked on and on about all irrelevant matters.
"You should pay me double the tuition fees," said Socrates.
"Why? Why should I pay double?" the young man said in surprise.
"Because," Socrates said humorously, "I must teaching you two courses: one is how to close your mouth, the other is how to lecture."
中文：
你应该付双倍的学费。
一个年轻人请苏格拉底教他演讲术。为了表现自己是个口若悬河的演说家，这个年轻人就夸夸其谈，滔滔不绝的说着不着边际的话。
“你应该付给我两倍的学费，”苏格拉底说。
“为什么？为什么我应该付你两倍的学费呢？”这个年轻人非常纳闷地说。
“因为我要教你两门功课：一门是怎样闭嘴，另一门是怎样演讲。”苏格拉底幽默地说。
1116
I'm trying to stop it
Teacher: Jack, why have you got cotton in your left ear? Is it infected?
Jack: No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out of the other, so I'm trying to stop it!
中文：
我想堵住它
老师：杰克，你的左耳朵里面为什么塞棉花？是感染了吗？
杰克：不是，老师。您昨天曾说过您告诉我的一切事情总是一耳进一耳出，所以我在试着堵上它。
