1021
You're facing the wrong way.
In a cinema, a lady turned round and said to the giggling schoolgirls behind her: "Do you mind, I'm trying to watch the film."
"In that case," said one of them, "you're facing the wrong way."
中文：
你看错方向了
剧院里，一位女士回头对后面正在说笑的一群女学生说：“如果你们不介意的话，我想看这场电影。”
“要是那样的话，”其中一个女孩子说，“那您肯定是看错方向了。”
1022
Good News and Bad News
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....??
中文：
好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布： “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”
1023
A Good Example
Teacher: We all know that heat causes an object to expand and
cold causes it to contract. Now, can anyone give me a good example?
John: Well, in the summer the days are long, and in the winter the days are short.
中文：
一个好例子
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁能给我举个例子呢？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
good iterm.
1024
I'll give you more time.
Little Harry: I don't like what you said, and I'll give you five
minutes to take it back.
Big Harry: And what if I don't take it back in five minutes?
Little Harry: Well, then I'll give you more time.
中文：
我就再多给你点儿时间
小哈瑞：我不喜欢你的话，我给你五分钟的时间让你把它收回。
大哈瑞：如果我不在五分钟内把它收回，你能怎么着？
小哈瑞：好吧，那我就再多给你点儿时间。
我也发一个:
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and this time the chicken falls into a mud holw. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and ger some help from the farmer. The horse said:"I think I can stand over that hole". So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up". and the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!
1025
I just showed him.
A week before his birthday, Mrs. Jones bought her son Mathew
a new bicycle and hid it in the shed.
"Now Jenny," she said to his sister, "don't go telling Mathew about his present."
The next day, Mathew said to his mother, "I like the new bicycle, Mum!"
Mrs. Jones was furious with Jenny. "I thought I told you not to tell him," she said.
"I didn't," said Jenny, "I showed him."
中文：
我只是让他看了看。
琼斯太太在她的儿子马修生日的前一个星期给他买了一辆新自行车，并把它藏在车棚里。
“听着，珍妮，”她对马修的妹妹说，“别告诉马修这件礼物的事儿。”
第二天，马修对他妈妈说，“我非常喜欢这辆新自行车，妈。”
琼斯太太非常生气地对珍妮说，“不是告诉你别跟他说这件事吗？”
“我没有跟他说。”珍妮说，“我只是让他看了看。”
1026
Put the peach back on the tree.
Bob: I had a rough time this morning. The farmer caught me in
one of his peach trees.
Barbara: Gosh! What did you do?
Bob: I told him one of his peaches fell down and I was trying to
put it back!
中文：
把桃子放回树上去。
鲍勃：我今天早晨非常不顺。那个农民在他的一棵桃树上抓住了我。
巴拉：天啊！你干了些什么呀？
鲍勃：我告诉他他的一个桃子掉在地上了，我只是想把它放回去。
1027
The First president .
A teacher was asking a student a lot of questions, but the student couldn't answer any of them. The teacher then decided to ask him some very easy questions so that he could get a few right.
"What was Bunker Hill?"she said.
The student thought for some time and then answered, "An airport?"
"No, it was a battle," the teacher said, she was getting a little angry now, but she was trying not to show it.Then she asked, "Who was the first president of the United States?"
The student thought for a long time, but didn't say anything. Then the teacher got very angry and shouted, "George Washington!"
The student got up and began to walk towards his seat.
"Come back!" the teacher said. "I didn't tell you to go."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the student said. "I thought you called the next student."
中文：
第一位总统。
老师向一位学生提出很多问题，可是这位学生却一问三不知。老师只好换一些极其简单的问题，这样学生也许能答对几个题。
“邦克山是什么？”老师问。
学生想了一会儿，然后答道：“飞机场。”
“不对，那是一场战役，”老师说，她有些恼火了，但还是努力克制着不流露出来，接着她又问道，“谁是美国第一位总统？”
学生想了许多，可还是一语不发。
老师终于怒不可遏，大声喊道，“乔治·华盛顿！”
学生站起来开始朝自己座位走去。
“回来”老师说，“我没让你离开。”
“噢，真抱歉，”学生说。“我还以为您在叫下一位学生呢。”
