1014
an absent-minded professor
No doubt about it, my fellow monk, Father Martin, was a bit of an absent-minded professor. He often filled in for sick priests at other parishes, and one Saturday he found himself on a train to a new destination, frantically searching his pockets for his ticket. "Forget about it, Father," said the conductor, recognizing him as a regular. "I'm sure you paid for a ticket." "I can't forget about the ticket," Father Martin replied nervously. "I need to know where I'm going."
中文：
健忘的教授
毫无疑问，我的同事、Martin神父是个有点健忘的教授。他经常到别的教区给生病的牧师替班。一个周六，他又坐火车出发了，但到验票时，他却怎么都找不着放在衣服口袋里面的火车票。因为老坐火车，列车员认得教授，因此对他说，“不用找了，我想你肯定已经买过票了。”“我得把票找出来”，Martin神父不安地回答。“我得弄清楚我是要去哪”。
1015
So Would I
A fat lady walked into the dress shop. "I'd like to see a dress that would fit me," she told the clerk.
"So would I," said the tactless clerk.
中文：
我也是
一个胖女人走进服装店。“我想看一件适合我穿的衣服，”她告诉店员说。
“我也是。”不太老练的店员说道。
1016
A Whole Hour
Mr. Brown arrived for work an hour late. His clothes were torn and tattered. He was banged and bruised, and he had one arm in a sling. His boss was purple with rage.
"It's ten o'clock," screamed the boss, "you were supposed to be here at nine. What happened?"
"I'm sorry," explained Mr. Brown, "I fell out of ten-story window."
"That took you a whole hour?"
中文：
整整一小时
布朗先生上班整整迟到了一小时，他衣衫不整，浑身青紫，一只胳膊上还打着绷带。他的老板怒火冲天。
“现在已经十点了，”老板咆哮着，“你九点钟就应该来的。到底发生了什么事？”
“对不起，”布朗先生解释道，“我从10层楼的窗户里摔下去了。”
“难道那也要用整整一个小时吗？”
1017
It's Me All Right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
中文：
就是我
一位年轻漂亮的女士到银行取钱。出纳员在检查了她的存折后问道：“您能证明您的身份吗？” 这个女孩听了这话以后看上去很迷惑，随后她从手提包里拿出一个小镜子。她对着镜子照了一会儿，笑了：“对呀， 这就是我。"
有点意思！
不错，继续！
1018
Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five
dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
中文：
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。
1019
Three Turtles
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain. The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
中文：
三只乌龟
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”
最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。
两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”
1020
How to Become Rich?
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.
Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.
Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
中文：
如何致富？
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。
姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。
弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
不错，very good !
